For some reason,
I feel so emotional.
I feel lonely, even though I'm never by myself.
I feel the need to be creative, even though I never craft anything.
I feel powerful and powerless at the same time...
Secure enough to go through the motions with a slight sense of purpose, but honestly just wasting time wandering along the same path I've gone before... Constantly looking over my shoulder...
I desperately want change in my life, but the thought of going through change scares me to death.
At home I'm nearly content. I get so bored stuck in here all the time. I'm just confined...
Going out isn't really an option for me because I have the kids to care for. It's difficult to take them anywhere, to be honest. They don't stay together. I spend more time wrangling them up than doing whatever I had planned in the first place. I get frustrated and snappy at them and we all go home upset. I don't like that.
At least at work I get my social interaction. They're all so much younger than I am, though.
One of the guys is wanting to start a band with me. He says he'll teach me guitar. I'd like to sing, too. I get all happy thinking about it, until I forsee all the drama it will cause between me and Roberto.
He gets jealous when I talk about hanging out with the guys. Instead of starting a fight, I choose to stay home... but I really want friends that I can hang out with.
and I don't like girls... so having girlfriends is out.
I feel like my life is relatively easy. I just need a challenge in it.
I need something to look forward to, because just going through the motions to get though the day is depressing. I always find some reason to hold myself back, and I'm tired of it.
I just wonder if I'm tired enough to break the habit.
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