What is death?

I am very fortunate to have lived 25 years and never seen death.

I have a large family, a few good friends, and people I love, but no one I've ever been close to has ever died.

We've had plenty of close calls in surgery. We're cancer survivors. We're blessed.


I was asked not to post specifics because it's very sensitive... but one of my relatives has been in the ICU for a week. All that I can say is that he's very ill. Machines keep him alive, and that's a terrifying thought. At one point, I considered him a father figure. We used to be close, but have drifted apart this past decade because of petty misunderstandings.

I was scared to see him today.
Me, scared of so little, standing next to his bed, silent, terrified.
All past crap aside, I still love him.
I stood next to my grandmother as she talked to him. Whether he can hear us or not... nobody knows.
After she finished, I stayed by her side and just walked out. I didn't know what to say.

She's so strong, my grandmother. Afraid, but she's not showing it. She had lost a daughter the year before I was born, and had always told me how I'm the image of her.. We've always been close, partly for that reason, I think.

Anyway...

My family, large as it is, has always been close.

They're Christians. They follow the Bible and attend church weekly and pray for everything.
I've never been religious. I don't care one way or the other, as long as people are good people, that's what matters to me. I will always be a good person, and I don't think my religious views would condemn me to burn for eternity if there even is a Hell.

But I watch them and listen to them all get together and pray. It's never anything petty. It's just for faith and good judgment and health. We always take care of each other. Feed each other. Listen. We were taught to give everything we have, if another person truly needs it.

I feel conflicted, because I'm not in that circle of religiousness.
Yet everyone else in my family is so sure about God taking care of us when we need it.
I wonder if there truly is power in prayer, because the few deaths in our family have been of old age, peacefully.
We've been so lucky.

Now, seeing him supported by tubes and wires...
this is new.
Yet I have every faith he'll get better, and I don't understand why.

Is it possible that faith is keeping us alive and together?
Is it God and prayer?
or are we just really resilient?

HSN's Beginner's Guide to Bronzing, Highlighting, and Contouring

This morning, I was surprised, honored, and intrigued that HSN contacted me to review a beauty video that has yet to be released.

It's their Beginner's Guide to Bronzing, Highlighting, and Contouring.

In all honesty, I haven't really experimented with any of these concepts. I'm generally a foundation and mascara... maybe chapstick kind of girl. I love the natural beauty look.

I was excited to get home and play around though.

I watched the video - beautifully shot, by the way - and thought "Hey that looks easy!" before rummaging through my limited collection of makeup. I used to have so much... but I'm sure the kids have made off with it somewhere... cat ate it... I'm really not sure what happened.

Watching the video, the woman is captivating. She's the drop-dead beauty every girl wishes to be.
She touches on where to add darker shades and where to highlight before hinting at bronzer.

To a makeup sorta-beginner... I'm still looking for something more. I need more detail. I need specifics. I need practice in general....
The video is a general overview, which is great for girls with the tools and basic idea of the products...
yet for someone like me just now trying it out... it still left me a bit... without direction. I felt like I just had to wing it.
It actually ended up being easy... I don't feel like I could have messed it up.
Honestly I loved the way my skin looked afterward.

My boyfriend walked in when I was finishing, and the first thing out of his mouth was "Wow, you look really beautiful today."
It kind of hit me then, that if someone who sees me every day can tell a big difference just by following this basic guide..
I don't know.
I feel pretty.
I feel the need to do this every day because it makes me feel good.

Maybe now I'll look for more in-depth videos. I find it fun to play around and build color and blend, while still looking radiant and natural.

Here are some pictures for you:



This was me, hair back and unglamorous, with only some cc cream and a bit of concealer under my eyes and a light layer of translucent powder.

 

 

 

This was after adding the Contouring in the hollows of my cheeks, the sides of my nose, the outer edges  of my face, and just under my bottom lip for the "pouty" look.

*Side note- I don't have any contouring products. I used a deep matte blush / eye shadow mix - color "chinchilla" to mimic the effect for the camera*

I feel like my face looks thinner and the light highlighting across my cheeks, bridge of my nose, brow bones, and chin make me look more.. glowing and youthful.

*For highlighter, I used a pearl eye shadow*


I still don't understand bronzer. Won't it be too dark for my skin tone? How much do I need? Which brush do I use? Does it go EVERYWHERE? I'm still a bit clueless, and I have none in my stash... so I didn't use any, but I'm so pleased with the tips found in this HSN video.

Anyone who wants to experiment and look better overall will probably love it too.


********

I've never let you know my real name...
Allow me to introduce myself.


I'm Kayla.


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You can search HSN and Nurberxo on YouTube for more information or check out these links to buy the beauty products featured in the videos:

http://www.hsn.com/shop/beauty/bs
-and search for your favorite beauty products-


http://www.hsn.com/shop/makeup/bs0001
-specifically makeup-

Prepping for YouTube

Tonight was a blast!

I brought out my little Bloggie to do some practice videos.
I needed to find good lighting and set up a place for my shoots.

So far, I've noticed, the lighting here is terrible haha!
I don't have any of the fancy equipment, just standard lamps.
A Bloggie is basically a small camcorder/camera thing with pretty great picture quality.
Maybe it's a setting I have it on, but it wants to auto-adjust itself to the brightness of the room, if that makes sense.
Halfway through the video the thing dimmed out on me and turned the video a muddy brown color...
I'll need to fix that pretty quickly.

I also need to find a stand to mount the Bloggie on. Holding the thing in my hand isn't very functional. I'm limited in movement and it wiggles everywhere.

Even so,
The best part of the night was sitting on the counter in my bathroom, (because it has the brightest light and I wanted a comparison against the other rooms) taking a test video, and falling in the sink. I laughed at myself...I'm thinking about sharing the video for giggles.

I'll work out all the bugs.

I'll be taking this little camcorder everywhere to get used to being filmed again. It feels awkward talking to myself =)

I want to do supplement reviews!

You guys know me,
always wanting to try the next thing and promoting my successes to the masses... and giving my honest reviews about products...
I'm just passionate about that sort of thing...
Blogging is great, but I'd rather make videos and be mobile than sit confined to the desk on a laptop.
I'm aiming to switch over to YouTube and do weekly reviews.

I've come across this product that has limited reviews, called OxyShred, from EHPlabs. It looks pretty promising.
The catch? For a single mother of 2 working a desk job... it's pricey. $70.00 for a can of the powder.
I suppose that compared to other thermogenics it's not insanely expensive, but I, like many, have a limited income.
I'd love to try the product and make before and after videos... model a bit.. become more fit.

I've reached out to see if they'd send me samples.
I will always give an honest review, and this could be the start of a fantastic journey.
This product looks promising.

I'm looking forward to hearing the response from EHPlabs.
They're the only company I've contacted.

My Current Priorities

Something over the past few weeks has really changed my wants and goals..
I've been stuck in a rut. My life is falling into place, and because of that, I wonder what is left to really work toward..

I have my career. I like it better than any job I've had. It's accounting, and it lacks variety and excitement. I'm going to sell Mary Kay with my sister to make some extra money and get social interaction. My focus has shifted to hoarding away as much money as possible. So far, I haven't saved anything. I've been frugal with my bills and household expenses, but I tend to go all out on fresh produce and great food. Toss in the car repairs I had to make, and I'm pretty broke.

I need to start building credit. I've been turned down for loans and financing because I have no credit. No bad credit, just... none.
I've never had the desire to be in debt, so I never bought anything I couldn't pay in cash right then. It makes sense to me. Kinda screws me out of bigger things though.

I'm at the point where I'm ready for a house... Pretty sure I wouldn't get a loan with no credit history.
I've been looking at houses I love, and they fall into the 150-280k range. I don't need anything too big, just in a safe neighborhood with good schools. Open floor plan with massive windows, kitchen storage. Other than that, I'm pretty open.

It's a lot for a single mom to afford.


Career, running, meetings, kids, Game of Thrones....
It's all so much.

Shopping around for new furniture to put on a card to build credit...
House repairs...

Eh...

It's been ex-boyfriend central here lately. Every week or so one randomly tries to friend me on facebook, or sends me a text. Obviously it didn't work out before, and I have no intention of repeating my mistakes. I think it's because I'm happier, and occasionally post nice pictures. I'm healthier. More fit. I like to wear makeup and do my hair now. I'm finally happy being me again.