Last night I was down by the docks with these tiny little boats tied up to the side, and I bent down to look into the water. An orca popped up in between the boats and I reached out to touch it, but the waters started... wiggling.. and a massive killer whale rose up out of the water! I could have laid down across it's nose. I couldn't even see it's eye, because it was too far away. For some reason I wanted to pet it's tongue...
Anyway, somehow I was running up the stairs to this giant office-type building. On the top floor, there was a lobby and a door separated me from the inner office. I couldn't walk anymore. My legs and feet were crippled and I was put into a wheelchair. The doors opened and a man came out to do some sort of business withe me, and I felt like I needed to run away, but I was stuck in the chair! I flopped down into the floor and scooted away as fast as if I was running, and jumped out of the window. The building was on fire... All of the buildings were on fire..
Amazingly enough, my legs were fine again. Better, even. I jumped around from rooftop to rooftop to escape from the man, even though I knew he couldn't have followed me.
I saw a palace... and it was on fire in the distance.
I jumped down onto the stone streets and everything around me was lush and beautiful again. I walked along until I came to a church. There was a wrought-iron table and chairs outside of it and pink flowers growing all around. Sitting in one of the chairs was a man who smiled at me, and I fell in love with him. We walked and laughed and were happy.
Then I woke up.
Weird, huh?
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Gearing up for Christmas
I love Christmas.
I love the lights,
I love the fake sparkley snow.
I love the songs.
I love getting the family together.
I always had Christmas at my grandma's house. We all crammed into the living room and opened armloads of presents and ate everything in sight.
Now that I'm an adult, I'm thinking more about money than giving joy.
It makes me feel so sad and selfish.
Everyone has excuses...
My check this period will be about half the size it normally is, due to shortened days and the inevitable cutting of hours. I'm so stressed out about who all I'm buying gifts for. I WANT to give everyone a gift. I just can't afford to spend hundreds of dollars right now.
My priorities are my own kids, and everyone, I'm sure, understands that.
I want to buy the 60 inch flat screen Wi-Fi TV that Roberto's been wanting for so long... but in reality, it's not going to happen. I want to buy a nice, new microwave for my mom, since I broke hers last year...
Because of the flood my broken washer unleashed on my house, I need to replace half the flooring in my living room and buy a new washing machine. I'll name it Noah, and there will be peace in my household.
My car has been in the shop for the past week, and I need to pay the mechanic today. I kind of wonder why, since I don't ever get to drive my own car.
I'm just broke.
My new favorite store is GoodWill.
I bought an expensive-looking blazer last week for $3. I also bought a purse for Allison for another $3. I think they're both brand new.
The past couple paychecks I've gone there and bought expensive-looking slacks and blouses for $8.50 for the set. I have a whole new mini-wardrobe that looks absolutely professional, and I've only spent $25 total on all my clothes.
I may take my sisters there for a little spree for Christmas. We all love thrift stores and great bargains. I'd rather get them a couple of outfits each than spend the money on a toy they'll just end up throwing away.
I'd like to make little gifts for everyone, so nobody gets left out.
Last year I made 100 angels out of rose petals and bottles of bubbles. The kids loved them, and I only spent $20ish on all the supplies. Everyone in my family got one, and I even had extras!
The year before that I bought 50 scratcher tickets for my family to share. One person won ten dollars and two got free tickets lol.
I remember my mom going to craft stores and making wreaths out of styrofoam rings and squares of fabric. They were beautiful. That was inexpensive.
I like the craft idea. Roberto, the kids, and myself need an activity to do together.
I'll just have to keep browsing for ideas.
...
I'm a bit scatter-brained today..
I can't remember my dreams that well either.
I love the lights,
I love the fake sparkley snow.
I love the songs.
I love getting the family together.
I always had Christmas at my grandma's house. We all crammed into the living room and opened armloads of presents and ate everything in sight.
Now that I'm an adult, I'm thinking more about money than giving joy.
It makes me feel so sad and selfish.
Everyone has excuses...
My check this period will be about half the size it normally is, due to shortened days and the inevitable cutting of hours. I'm so stressed out about who all I'm buying gifts for. I WANT to give everyone a gift. I just can't afford to spend hundreds of dollars right now.
My priorities are my own kids, and everyone, I'm sure, understands that.
I want to buy the 60 inch flat screen Wi-Fi TV that Roberto's been wanting for so long... but in reality, it's not going to happen. I want to buy a nice, new microwave for my mom, since I broke hers last year...
Because of the flood my broken washer unleashed on my house, I need to replace half the flooring in my living room and buy a new washing machine. I'll name it Noah, and there will be peace in my household.
My car has been in the shop for the past week, and I need to pay the mechanic today. I kind of wonder why, since I don't ever get to drive my own car.
I'm just broke.
My new favorite store is GoodWill.
I bought an expensive-looking blazer last week for $3. I also bought a purse for Allison for another $3. I think they're both brand new.
The past couple paychecks I've gone there and bought expensive-looking slacks and blouses for $8.50 for the set. I have a whole new mini-wardrobe that looks absolutely professional, and I've only spent $25 total on all my clothes.
I may take my sisters there for a little spree for Christmas. We all love thrift stores and great bargains. I'd rather get them a couple of outfits each than spend the money on a toy they'll just end up throwing away.
I'd like to make little gifts for everyone, so nobody gets left out.
Last year I made 100 angels out of rose petals and bottles of bubbles. The kids loved them, and I only spent $20ish on all the supplies. Everyone in my family got one, and I even had extras!
The year before that I bought 50 scratcher tickets for my family to share. One person won ten dollars and two got free tickets lol.
I remember my mom going to craft stores and making wreaths out of styrofoam rings and squares of fabric. They were beautiful. That was inexpensive.
I like the craft idea. Roberto, the kids, and myself need an activity to do together.
I'll just have to keep browsing for ideas.
...
I'm a bit scatter-brained today..
I can't remember my dreams that well either.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Dream 11-19
Lately my dreams have been so vivid...
They have affected me so much that I spend a great deal of my waking hours thinking about them.
I dreamed I was sitting in the center of the blue seats, and because of something my pastor had heard, he came and sat next to me. He told me that what I've been thinking about is not the right thing, and we should work through it. I was so embarrassed. I didn't want to look at him. He gave me 2 things, a small, blue, glass elephant with it's trunk up in a spiral, and a very large white elephant with gold circles covering the surface. I didn't understand why he was giving them to me. Then he said that he wanted to pray with me. Afterward, he said I should write a letter and get all of my feelings out. I went back to pray with him, and all of my guilt was gone. I knew that what I had been thinking was wrong, but after those moments, I knew that I wouldn't be thinking about it again.
So...
When I woke up, I felt like I needed to pray.
I've never been seriously religious. I've never prayed, at least not genuinely.
Yet I am so overpowered to do so right now.
I feel like I'm being pulled to do something for myself, maybe for others too.
So why elephants?
Elephants, to me, mean something obvious.
The first elephant, I couldn't even tell was an elephant at first. It was dark and twisted. So maybe that's something I should try to figure out. What does that one represent? Something vague and hidden from my mind, yet important enough to be brought to my attention. Hmmm...
Maybe something like shame?
Something put into tangible form that I could tote anywhere..?
The second elephant I was given, the large white and gold one, was so cumbersome and ridiculously large. It was flashy and attracted so much attention. I was embarrassed by it. Even though I thought it was gorgeous and I was captivated by it, I just wanted to set the elephant down, out of the way. It was out of place. Maybe that represents my thoughts lately. They seem to be large and flashy, and consume too much of my attention. Time to set those aside to focus on better things.
Or maybe they're just elephant figurines =)
And now this is my letter explaining all of my feelings,
which isn't a letter explaining all of my feelings.
I can't be completely open when I'm posting on the internet...
but I can at least state the basics.
Friggie
They have affected me so much that I spend a great deal of my waking hours thinking about them.
I dreamed I was sitting in the center of the blue seats, and because of something my pastor had heard, he came and sat next to me. He told me that what I've been thinking about is not the right thing, and we should work through it. I was so embarrassed. I didn't want to look at him. He gave me 2 things, a small, blue, glass elephant with it's trunk up in a spiral, and a very large white elephant with gold circles covering the surface. I didn't understand why he was giving them to me. Then he said that he wanted to pray with me. Afterward, he said I should write a letter and get all of my feelings out. I went back to pray with him, and all of my guilt was gone. I knew that what I had been thinking was wrong, but after those moments, I knew that I wouldn't be thinking about it again.
So...
When I woke up, I felt like I needed to pray.
I've never been seriously religious. I've never prayed, at least not genuinely.
Yet I am so overpowered to do so right now.
I feel like I'm being pulled to do something for myself, maybe for others too.
So why elephants?
Elephants, to me, mean something obvious.
The first elephant, I couldn't even tell was an elephant at first. It was dark and twisted. So maybe that's something I should try to figure out. What does that one represent? Something vague and hidden from my mind, yet important enough to be brought to my attention. Hmmm...
Maybe something like shame?
Something put into tangible form that I could tote anywhere..?
The second elephant I was given, the large white and gold one, was so cumbersome and ridiculously large. It was flashy and attracted so much attention. I was embarrassed by it. Even though I thought it was gorgeous and I was captivated by it, I just wanted to set the elephant down, out of the way. It was out of place. Maybe that represents my thoughts lately. They seem to be large and flashy, and consume too much of my attention. Time to set those aside to focus on better things.
Or maybe they're just elephant figurines =)
And now this is my letter explaining all of my feelings,
which isn't a letter explaining all of my feelings.
I can't be completely open when I'm posting on the internet...
but I can at least state the basics.
Friggie
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
A Fresh Start, Home Improvement, Self Improvement, Life Improvement
I'm getting a jump start on my New Year's resolutions.
I've never made any before, so I've never kept any.
We'll see how many I can check off my list by the end of 2013.
Life for me is going pretty well. Changes I want to make right now may not be absolutely necessary, but improvement in general is always a good thing.
I've been promoted in my job. I'm the offical Store Manager. Hurray! The Owners are great, and I'm getting more training and developing my skills. I've made a resume, which I've never had before, and I'm planning on sending it out to get a more permanent career. The fabulous thing is that the Owners are extremely supportive of this. They know my dream isn't to make custard my entire life, and to be honest, I don't get paid what I'd like to be paid... or anywhere near what I'd like to be paid.
So my career goals for the next year are:
Take Business Management and Accounting classes.
Send out my resume and secure a career that will leave me mentally fulfilled and financially stable.
I'm debating on whether or not to buy this mobile home I'm renting now.
The more time I spend here, the more I love it.
Roberto brought me home an entertainment center for my room, and I'm in love with it. It must weigh about 300 pounds. We couldn't lift it at all. Funny thing is, it's about half the size of my old one, and we moved that easily.
So my home improvement goals (if I chose to buy the home) are:
Replace the flooring with hardwoods.
Create some art to decorate.
New window treatments throughout.
Fence in the yard.
Stain the front porch and furnish.
I'd really love a house though. Something that won't fly away in a strong wind...
Anyway,
My spiritual journey has just started. I've begun to read the Bible, New International Version, and I think it's a beautiful book. I loved Genesis, but Exodus, Leviticus, and Numbers bored me, to be honest. I don't fully understand it. I grew up with my father who is very much an athiest, so going from one extreme point of view to another is a bit jarring.
All I know is that when I go to my church, Heartland Community, I feel so much love and acceptance. I think about it all week, and I can't wait for Sunday. I volunteer in the daycare in the early morning, and attend the later mass. I don't even like to call it mass. It's not like the traditional Catholic churches that I've briefly attended. The pastor uses humor and current situations to help people like me to understand. The band is fabulous. The sign language interpreter is amazing to watch....
And the people! Just the regular people who attend are good, genuine, nice people.
I haven't come across a single person who made me feel a bit unwelcomed.
It's funny. I felt as if I wasn't allowed to be there on my first day, because I don't really know what to believe, but the more I go and listen to Pastor Dan and casually talk to the people, the more I feel like there's no other place I'd rather be.
How is that possible?
My spiritual goals for this year are:
Read the entire Bible
Attend communtiy gatherings at my church
Donate my time and resources to helping others whenever possible
So to those of you who casually read my blog, or are my regular readers and who have been looking for me, I'm sorry for completely erasing the blog I used to have here.
I just feel like something has changed inside of me, and none of the things that have happened in the past seem to matter anymore. There's only the present and forward.
I'm looking forward to new beginnings..
I still hope to be entertaining and fun to read.
My blog is titled Possibly Inappropriate, and I'm sure I'll still say inappropriate things, or things that others may not have the courage to say.
I value honesty.
But I also value entertainment =)
There will be more to come, I promise.
I'll try to post daily from now on.
Much love,
Friggie
I've never made any before, so I've never kept any.
We'll see how many I can check off my list by the end of 2013.
Life for me is going pretty well. Changes I want to make right now may not be absolutely necessary, but improvement in general is always a good thing.
I've been promoted in my job. I'm the offical Store Manager. Hurray! The Owners are great, and I'm getting more training and developing my skills. I've made a resume, which I've never had before, and I'm planning on sending it out to get a more permanent career. The fabulous thing is that the Owners are extremely supportive of this. They know my dream isn't to make custard my entire life, and to be honest, I don't get paid what I'd like to be paid... or anywhere near what I'd like to be paid.
So my career goals for the next year are:
Take Business Management and Accounting classes.
Send out my resume and secure a career that will leave me mentally fulfilled and financially stable.
I'm debating on whether or not to buy this mobile home I'm renting now.
The more time I spend here, the more I love it.
Roberto brought me home an entertainment center for my room, and I'm in love with it. It must weigh about 300 pounds. We couldn't lift it at all. Funny thing is, it's about half the size of my old one, and we moved that easily.
So my home improvement goals (if I chose to buy the home) are:
Replace the flooring with hardwoods.
Create some art to decorate.
New window treatments throughout.
Fence in the yard.
Stain the front porch and furnish.
I'd really love a house though. Something that won't fly away in a strong wind...
Anyway,
My spiritual journey has just started. I've begun to read the Bible, New International Version, and I think it's a beautiful book. I loved Genesis, but Exodus, Leviticus, and Numbers bored me, to be honest. I don't fully understand it. I grew up with my father who is very much an athiest, so going from one extreme point of view to another is a bit jarring.
All I know is that when I go to my church, Heartland Community, I feel so much love and acceptance. I think about it all week, and I can't wait for Sunday. I volunteer in the daycare in the early morning, and attend the later mass. I don't even like to call it mass. It's not like the traditional Catholic churches that I've briefly attended. The pastor uses humor and current situations to help people like me to understand. The band is fabulous. The sign language interpreter is amazing to watch....
And the people! Just the regular people who attend are good, genuine, nice people.
I haven't come across a single person who made me feel a bit unwelcomed.
It's funny. I felt as if I wasn't allowed to be there on my first day, because I don't really know what to believe, but the more I go and listen to Pastor Dan and casually talk to the people, the more I feel like there's no other place I'd rather be.
How is that possible?
My spiritual goals for this year are:
Read the entire Bible
Attend communtiy gatherings at my church
Donate my time and resources to helping others whenever possible
So to those of you who casually read my blog, or are my regular readers and who have been looking for me, I'm sorry for completely erasing the blog I used to have here.
I just feel like something has changed inside of me, and none of the things that have happened in the past seem to matter anymore. There's only the present and forward.
I'm looking forward to new beginnings..
I still hope to be entertaining and fun to read.
My blog is titled Possibly Inappropriate, and I'm sure I'll still say inappropriate things, or things that others may not have the courage to say.
I value honesty.
But I also value entertainment =)
There will be more to come, I promise.
I'll try to post daily from now on.
Much love,
Friggie
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