Dream 11-19

Lately my dreams have been so vivid...
They have affected me so much that I spend a great deal of my waking hours thinking about them.

I dreamed I was sitting in the center of the blue seats, and because of something my pastor had heard, he came and sat next to me. He told me that what I've been thinking about is not the right thing, and we should work through it. I was so embarrassed. I didn't want to look at him. He gave me 2 things, a small, blue, glass elephant with it's trunk up in a spiral, and a very large white elephant with gold circles covering the surface. I didn't understand why he was giving them to me. Then he said that he wanted to pray with me. Afterward, he said I should write a letter and get all of my feelings out. I went back to pray with him, and all of my guilt was gone. I knew that what I had been thinking was wrong, but after those moments, I knew that I wouldn't be thinking about it again.

So...

When I woke up, I felt like I needed to pray.
I've never been seriously religious. I've never prayed, at least not genuinely.
Yet I am so overpowered to do so right now.
I feel like I'm being pulled to do something for myself, maybe for others too.

So why elephants?
Elephants, to me, mean something obvious.

The first elephant, I couldn't even tell was an elephant at first. It was dark and twisted. So maybe that's something I should try to figure out. What does that one represent? Something vague and hidden from my mind, yet important enough to be brought to my attention. Hmmm...
Maybe something like shame?
Something put into tangible form that I could tote anywhere..?

The second elephant I was given, the large white and gold one, was so cumbersome and ridiculously large. It was flashy and attracted so much attention. I was embarrassed by it. Even though I thought it was gorgeous and I was captivated by it, I just wanted to set the elephant down, out of the way. It was out of place. Maybe that represents my thoughts lately. They seem to be large and flashy, and consume too much of my attention. Time to set those aside to focus on better things.

Or maybe they're just elephant figurines =)

And now this is my letter explaining all of my feelings,
which isn't a letter explaining all of my feelings.
I can't be completely open when I'm posting on the internet...
but I can at least state the basics.


Friggie