I love throwing stuff away.

Most people like to hoard their crap and shop for more and more and more...
I enjoy being minimal.

I've added to my "donate" clothing stash.
I'm going through all the girls' toys and probably donating another bag or two to the church.

I like to see open space in my home. It's sparse, but it's clean and organized... because I have nothing left to organize lol.

What I do have in abundance are odd things.
My Disney VHS collection.
My Glad storage containers.
Coloring books.
Children's books.
High end beauty products (gifts).
Flower pots.

I wish I had a deep freezer. I'd bow hunt and fill it with deer meat.

My goal is to live off the land.
I want a garden so badly. I hate shopping for produce when I could grow it myself.
I want to grow some fruit trees.
I want to hunt. I love to fish.

I'd be a good country wife.

I don't need fancy things. Primping up hasn't ever really been my thing.

Seems like all I do anyway is cook and clean.
I don't know why I enjoy it.


Eh....
Time to finish my laundry and go through those toys.
Then my room is presentable.

Like I have company anyway.
Guess I'll watch Cinderella and do Crown shots and make this interesting.
lol...
I need a spouse.

Overwhelmed by Spring Cleaning and Lack of Boyfriend

I'm in such a funky mood.
I'm trying to get my house in perfect order, but I'm so antsy. I've been working on things as quickly as possible, yet there's no end in sight. Isn't that always how it goes?

After work, I came home and ripped up the carpet in the spare room (with the help of my cousin). I sprayed down the bathroom with cleaner, put smelly good powder crap all over the carpets, collected all the laundry, cleaned out the fridge, took out the trash, reorganized everything I've been storing (meaning, taking all the boxes and stacking them again in a different order), and going through every piece of clothing the girls and I own. I'm donating 2 full black trash bags of clothes we no longer use. I'm storing another 2 bags of clothes my youngest will soon grow into. I still need to hang everything up.

I'm frazzled. I've done so much, yet it looks like I've done nothing, and I am exhausted.
And I still have yet to go grocery shopping :/


.......



Anyway,

I haven't said anything about my promotion. They've decided to try me out as the new company credit manager. I've been in training for about a month, and I absolutely love this job. I get to do a bit of accounting and bookkeeping, make sure everything balances, fix problems. I feel like I'm doing something important. It's about time I got myself a career.


........


Man life is a bit nonexistant at the moment.

I've dated quite a bit, and enjoyed it mostly, but I really do want a relationship. It's been about a year since I've been a 'girlfriend' and I wouldn't mind having that title again with someone I can care for and depend on.
The problem isn't finding someone who loves me... they tend to fall rather quickly... The problem is ME. I just don't get any feelings for guys all that often.

I've been in such an emotional tug-of-war with myself and my dudes that I guess I've switched off my ability to return romantic gestures. I've tried. Believe me, God, I've tried. It just doesn't click. I've had my heart broken a little too much, and I'm pretty much Sasquatch. Cold. Bitter. Fuzzy.

Note to me: book a wax session.

This year alone:
Broken engagement with a guy I'd been with nearly 4 years.
Tryst with first love ending in absolute hatred and disgust.
Dated a man who is everything I've ever wanted and then some, fell too hard, got friendzoned.
Miserable.
Dating site.
Meeting 2-3 blokes per week.
Completely captivated by a total Adonis. Banged. Never heard from him again.
Pissed.
Dating site.
Met a sweetheart. I guess he's still a Facebook Friend? Lost touch.
Met a younger guy who says all the right things. Liking it. Lives 45 minutes away.
Hm.


I don't know. I'm lonely.
Everything in my life has fallen into place through all of this though.
I'm exercising, cooking and eating healthy, delicious meals, I've got the career, kids are happy....
Why doesn't this fall into place too?

Once again, Hello!

Hello again, Dear readers.

The year following my broken engagement has been hectic. I feel like I've grown and done so much...
My entire demeanor and mindset has changed once again.

-The living situation is obviously ever-changing. I moved out of my ex-fiance's house and into my First Love's home. He was 'going through a divorce' but never actually did. The jackass. I moved back into Mom's for about 6 months before I moved in with my cousin. We now share a little home. He has one side, I have the other, and it works out very well.

I've also been on a dating site once again, and serial dating like no other. I started meeting a couple guys a week just to put myself back out there. I do enjoy dating. I've gotten to meet some neat and very cool guys. Some that creeped me out... others that scared the heebie-jeebies out of me.. but for the most part, I've had fun.
I'm forcing myself to be the mature, good girl. I've never put that much effort into it before. I've noticed that on this particular site, even the guys who seem to have the best intentions are only after that one thing. They're initially alright with not just hooking up, but soon disappear after a couple normal dates.
I'm pretty awesome, no doubt about that lol... but I want something real and lasting. I found that when I did sleep with a guy too soon, he was instantly out of the picture. Across the board.
I'm no dead fish... and I'm worth more than just another notch. It's frustrating and sad.
Maybe by being temporarily celebate... I'll find one worth keeping?
I hope so.

I'm ready for my angel.


------


I also am no longer taking those Zantrex-3 pills.
Yes, they kept me pretty thin because I wasn't eating as much, but the mental toll they took on me was not worth it. I had more panic attacks and paraniod delusions than I care to admit.
Now that I've been off them for months and months, my head is clear. I've grown my balls back. I'm happier.
I've also grown to love my curves.

I plan on doing my first 5k this May. I love running at night. I don't have the best endurance, but it's a work in progress and I have something to aim for.

I also purchased the Focus T25 system.
It's incredibly intense. I find that I can't work out for 2 days after a workout because my body is not used to being so physically challenged. Everything is tight and sore. Just remember, every workout only makes me stronger.

More to come,
more witty humor... I promise.
Kids are hungry.

<3 Friggie