Tips for guys on dating sites to not look like a Douchebag

I recently joined a dating site to try to meet new people. I'm not necessarily looking for a date. I'm looking for friendship, and I've made that very clear on my profile... but I am so very disappointed with the guys on the site, and I find that is a constant with each site I've tried.

So here is my rant/series of tips for you guys who are tired of the girls just deleting your messages.
You want to find a decent woman who is looking for love? Stop being a douche and take my advice. You may finally get a reply.

If you do not have a picture, don't expect a reply.
I'll admit, the very first thing I do when I get a message is look at the picture to determine if I could ever be attracted to you. If there is no attraction, why waste my time or yours?

A picture says more about you than your profile.
Whatever happened to a nice headshot with a handsome, genuine smile?
Those are the types of pictures that I want to see. When I think about the guy I want to end up with, I think of a happy guy who is going to be sweet to me. It doesn't so much matter if you're Adonis or... not... but I'll fall for a personality before I fall for chiseled abs any day. So choose a nice pic that shows off your fun, nice guy side.

A silly picture is great as a second pic.
I want someone with a good sense of humor... just don't set that as your profile or lead with it, because I want someone who doesn't come off as a clown. By putting that pic first, you're telling women that you can't be taken seriously, and most of us looking for a serious relationship won't waste our time.

I don't want to see your penis.

So... Here are some things that I see in guys' pics that bug me to no end...  so you probably shouldn't do them..

1. Why scowl at the camera? That's an instant turn off.

2. Trying to look punk, thug, or gangster is a nono.. I want nothing to do with a guy who tries to look like a bad-ass. I got over that when I was a teenager. Now that I'm an adult, I want my partner to act like one too.

3. Posing with guns creeps me out. I don't want to be murdered on my first date... or any date, for that matter.

4. I understand that parents are proud of their kids, I'm a mother myself... but I don't agree with posting pictures of your kids on the dating site. I really don't agree with posting pics of kids who aren't yours on your profile either. That's borderline disgusting, in my opinion.

5. I see more nipples on a guy's profile than I do in a triple X film. Seriously, If I want to see your body, I'll ask. You don't need to post that... it's overkill. The girls who are looking for that exclusively to determine whether or not they want a date are generally shallow and not worth your time if you want something serious.

6. Don't flip off the camera. It's offensive. Grow up.

7. Don't post pics of you and another girl. Ever. She's your sister? Bullshit.

8. Maybe it's just a personal preference, but I don't want somebody who seems like a party boy. In general, if the guy's profile pic includes alcohol, I delete it. Same with cigarettes... I really dislike it.

9. If you post pics of you holding a stack of cash, what does that say about you? You think it says 'I'm well-off' but I think it says 'I'm insecure. I want my girl to like money more than she likes me.'

10. Don't be overly sexual. If you have 400 women friends, I'm assuming you're a woman-hopper/player. I only 'Friend' somebody I feel an initial connection with. We chat almost every day. I couldn't do that with 400 guys, and I'm not going to pretend to.

11. I don't care about your truck.


I'm sure I could rant on and on about crappy pics, but it's time to move on.... the Profile!

Your profile

I look at a profile thoroughly before I ever respond to a message.. so here are some notes to keep in mind...

Your screenname can mean instant 'BLOCK'
If your screen name has anything to do with sex, peepees or vajayjays, 69, illegal substances, gangs, or violence... I won't have any contact with you. Your name or initials with random numbers is fine.

Job title and salary info
I want to know that you have a job. If you post that you are 'self-employed' I'll generally take that as you're unemployed unless you elaborate.
I leave salary info blank, and I don't mind if a guy does too. I'm not looking to marry your wallet.

The about me section
This should be well thought out and personal. Spellcheck it.
Know the difference between There, They're, and Their
Know the difference between To, Too, and Two
If you appear uneducated, I'm not interested.
Don't be afraid to be lengthy. Just touch on or mention a little about your many interests, so that when we find something in common, we can talk about it in detail together.
Sometimes this is more important than your photo. This is your substance. If we have a ton in common, you'll soon be my favorite to chat with... even if I'm not initially that attracted to you.


So now it's time to send a message!

You've found that stunning woman you're just dying to know more about. How do you make sure she replies to you?

1. Make sure you have your nice, smiling-dude headshot set as your profile pic.
2. Read her profile. Make a connection by telling her you have so-and-so same interests. Be specific.
3. Compliment her.
4. Be sincere.
5. Try not to have too many spelling or grammar errors. Nobody's perfect, but pay special attention to detail!
6. Please, for the love of God, come up with something more original than "wazzup?"

Don't overdo it.
If she doesn't answer, assume she's not interested and casually, maturely walk away.
I'd say it's ok to try again a few days later... because you never know the circumstances. Maybe she was sick, or just got a mass flood of creepers sending her messages and she decided to delete them all... I've been that woman...
But only send that ONE message. If she wasn't interested, she probably won't answer a second time, but it's worth a try if you think you could be a good match.
Any messages beyond the initial one and the check-back would be considered stalkerish. You should be blocked.

For example... A guy tried to send me a message but his profile pic gave me a bad vibe, so I only deleted it. When someone creeps you out, it's best to have no contact, if possible. This guy sent me about a dozen messages over the next day or two asking me why I wouldn't answer his messages.
I see him as unpredictible, unstable, overly-emotional, and controlling. Block.

There was another guy who asked me what he could change about himself to get me to be attracted to him. A decent woman will never ask a guy to change things about himself.. until they're married ;)

I know there's more, so I may come out with a part-2 later.
That's enough to get started for now